Saturday, April 03, 2010

"One of Twenty-Three Student Emails in My Inbox"

Really, unedited does it best:

Jocelyn:

I do not know if you check the pager, but I have had a really awful three weeks. Without much detail, I think you would understand that I have missed a quiz due to misreading the due date as the 31st contributing much of my recent confusion to the stressor of 1: mother broken hip 2: Perp who attempted to kill me released from prison and calling to harass me, now waiting for him to be rearrested, etc. My mind has been literally gone...

On a happier note, a publisher has requested I submit a collection of 50 pieces of my poetry for review!! Bonus...

If you could see it in your heart to open the quiz for me I would be forever greatful and might even send you a sample of my work! (signed of course)

Charlene The Student

22 comments:

Logophile said...

wow

good times.
I saw anything short of giving her attempted murderer the key to her back door is completely reasonable.

Good LORD

geewits said...

Once I read "greatful" my brain stopped working. It must be contagious.

Deborah said...

Refreshingly original! And considering #2, you should probably overlook 'greatful'.

furiousBall said...

Dear Teacher,

I did not complete my assignment due to the fact that I am overly excited and celebrating being a Publishers Clearing House Finalist. I even got a letter with Ed McMahon's signature!

Regards,
Van the Student

Middle Aged Woman said...

You have a pager?

actonbell said...

You meet some interesting characters, don't you?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I bet Minnesota Matron has just the guy for her to meet.

Jeni said...

Hmmm. I'm thinking with grammar/spelling such as it is with this one, perhaps the poetry stuff is believe to be exempt from those standards and therefore, would be a good trade-off to you in exchange to being allowed to take the quiz. Such a deal you'd be getting, huh? Don't hold your breath though.
Kind of reminds me of a student in a class I took in college -which for an old so-and-so like myself, really wasn't that long ago (less than 20 years since my college days, ya know.) Anyway, the course was on exploring ways to making good career choices and classes, etc., and we had to put together a biography of ourselves. Well this preppie little guy (student) apparently hadn't paid a lick of attention to the requirements of the class, as outlined on the syllabus, and as such, had overlooked the biography assignment. When the day arrived for us to turn them in and he was lacking, he bemoaned the fact that he hadn't know a thing about this project and that had he but known, he just "knew it would have been a good one" -meaning his own biography. Yeah, right. Cry me a river and give me another load of malarky cause I just got off the banana boat yesterday, why don't 'cha?
But anyway -Peace and Happy Easter!

flutter said...

those writing samples aren't worth crap unless they're signed.

Patois said...

At least she spelled your name correctly, right?

Right?

jess said...

Well, geez, Jocelyn, you can't turn down an offer like that, now can you? I mean it's not like she had to offer to sign it!!!!

I wonder if any of the poems is about the perp. Maybe they all are. Maybe they're perplexingly pervy perp poems. Heh. Heh heh heh.

Maggie May said...

hahaha!!!!!

lime said...

is the work sample perhaps a writing assignment turned in on time?

though i gotta agree with logo, if the ex-con thing is true that's gotta count for something. if not, bonus points for creative writing.

Jazz said...

Wow, a signed sample of her work. Be still my beating heart. So, did you open the quiz?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good grief!

Wendy said...

gee, like she's doing you a favor by the end of it! but if you make an exception for her, you'll have to for the next homicide victim...

secret agent woman said...

She "might" send you a sample of her work? How big of her. But what would you expect from someone whose mind is "literally" gone.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Geez, decisions, decisions. At least you are nurturing creativity.

Mrs. G. said...

"...see it in your heart?" Oh brother.

monica said...

allrighty... maybe she'll send you flowers too.... or whatever your preferred bribe might be.. :o)

phd in yogurtry said...

Must be some kinda good poetry.

And I have the same question - your students can page you?

Jocelyn said...

Sorry for not answering the pager question here before (I replied to Middle Aged Woman privately): yea, I teach onlinen, and built into the online class is a pager; I tell students, IN ALL CAPS, that I don't use the pager, though, and I tell them this repeatedly.

Charlene must have been so busy working on her poetry that she couldn't read the syllabus, though, to have read this information.

She's sent me a poem, btw. It hurt me very much.