Thursday, September 24, 2009

"If you'd like to have a logical explanation/How I happened on this elegant syncopation/I will say without a moment of hesitation/There is just one place/That can light my face...And It's Called In Front of the Easel in Our Bathroom"


If you were able to find a scale the size of Gary, Indiana, you could hoist upon it all of the toys, puzzles, and games in our house and weigh 'em--at which point, even though you weren't actually weighing the toys ON the town of Gary, Indiana, I'm pretty sure, in a moment of transcendent empathy, the the nice little town of Gary, Indiana, would explode with a loud pop, just from sensing that a scale its size somewhere else on the planet was holding all that kid crap and measuring its heft.

In so many ways, not the least of which is that such an explosion would signal the end of Mayor Rudy Clay (who, based on what I see on his Website, is teeming with pos-i-tiv-ity), this would be a tragedy. Maybe, at least for the mayor's sake, it would be prudent for me to consider cutting back on the piles and piles of child amusements that fill our house so that no scale anywhere ever has to blow up--and so that all mayors, no matter the burg, can continue planning back-to-school picnics for their cities.

If I had to whittle it back to a mere 5 pounds of toy-ish stuff, I know one thing I'd keep: the easel.

Our Girl has used it for years when she is acting as teacher to a class of 26 babydolls; we have used it to pose a "Question of the Day"; both kids have created paintings of robots and sunflowers on it; and, in a pinch, it's a helluva coathook. I also sometimes prop myself against it when I get tipsy.

Transformers, stuffed animals, and board games alike know the Sheriff Is In Town when Easel stops by. Easel kicks toy ass (including that donkey from SHREK).

A few weeks ago, Easel stopped by the bathroom--on a campaign to intimidate the bathtub toys, metehinks, which live in a bucket under the towels--and has been hanging out there since.

Can I just say there are few things more fun than an easel in the bathroom? For one thing, it negates the need for magazines and the crossword puzzle. Because? Punky? You can spend a lot of toilet time creating art when Easel is hovering nearby.

It's a venue for a whole new kind of toilet humor.

Even better, since Paco is waaaaaaaaaaay into reading comic books and graphic novels, we can pretend we're upping his literacy by drawing cartoons on Easel that the lad then has to decipher while he, as we say, "makes a pooper."

In recent days, we've had a variety of panels appear and be wiped away (simultaneous wiping: the hidden bonus of a whiteboard in the bathroom!), including my personal favorite, an alien guy named Brainiac who can't figure out how to eat chicken nuggets, what with him being only a brain on a body and having no mouth.

However, I'm also really enjoying Groom's latest creation, "The (mis)Adventures of Pyramid Man." First, Pyramid Man showed up like this:

His triangular shape makes him wonder, "How am I going to get in?"

See. Rectangular doors are discriminatory.

Today, I switched up Pyramid Man's house and thoughts, though, which delighted Paco during his early-morning toilet ministrations.

Here, Pyramid Man looks befuddled because he didn't actually order that new rug.

As Paco noted while his undies and shorts fell to a puddle around his ankles, "Pyramid Man can't even get inside to call someone and tell them they brought the carpet to the wrong house!"

Poor, poor Pyramid Man.


Clearly, Easel will continue to amuse us as we brush, floss, and wipe. I invite you now into our bathroom, so long as you're willing to ignore the grey ring running around the inside of the tub: if the marker were in your hand, what scenario would vex Pyramid Man next?

22 comments:

actonbell said...

Gee, I don't know. I stand in wonder of such creative thoughts!

For some reason, though, I'm getting a They Might Be Giants earworm--ya know that song, Particle Man?

Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
Whats he like? its not important
Particle man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When hes underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, particle man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

Universe man, universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

Hes got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet its a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

Perhaps it would be fun to illustrate that song...

actonbell said...

I apologize. BUI again...

Becky Cazares said...

I think this is the Idea-of-a-Lifetime for new state-of-the-art bathroom decor. By 2012, no bathroom will be without whiteboard somewhere in the vicinity of the WC. Just wondering, though, what happens when you shower? Has no one yet showered long enough to cause Pyramid Man to sag or drip? This is a mystery to me.

Logophile said...

Hey, I thought of the same song Actonbell did, but I couldn't remember who sang it. Behold, the awesome that is Actonbell!

I love easels, I wish I could have one in every room.

Thing Two said he thought the phone would ring next, and the History channel is calling to invite pyramid man to star in a show, but of course, he can't get to the phone.

Jeff said...

I can only imagine he's thinking, "Man... something sphinx in there!"

Holy crap (no pun intended this time)... but I just realized you live in Duluth. I was born and raised there and the rest of my family still lives there. We're gonna need to chat. For reals.

flutter said...

Actonbell screwed my brain for a coherent comment, submit your complaints accordingly

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I can't believe someone else also had a They Might Be Giants moment. This post made me smile.


"If he's underwater, does he get wet, or does the water get him instead? Nobody knows, particle man."

And there you have the soundtrack of my senior year of college.

Pam said...

Hi Jocelyn! Wow.Pyramid Man the Bathroom Reject.Life's tough when you can't shape up.I used to play school with the easel too, and, I mean this, the excitement used to send me to the toilet. Now that Im all grown and a teacher in real life, it still gives me the s...s.!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I love the idea!! Think of the Haiku that could be inspired and written in the bathroom.

Jazz said...

I'd have pyramid man cut open the door and enter the house for all new and improved adventures.

phd in yogurtry said...

Pyramid Man's hot, buff girlfriend, Ms. Isosceles, saunters across the carpet. "I ordered the carpet, Pyramid Man. Now whatchoo gonna do about it?"

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh now that is truly brilliantly wonderful! I'm inspired to put up a drawing board in our bathroom now...or paint one wall with chalkboard paint.

secret agent woman said...

That's very cute. But I'm wondering if your husband is spending a little too much time in the bathroom?

lime said...

i think the next dilemma would be the shock mr pyramid feels when he notices a new piece of artwork has been hung on that bare wall. dammit, mr. pyramid hates baroque art! what's wrong with a nice bit of cubism?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Can't say for sure since I've never met the dude but taking a wild guess, Pyramid Man might be vexed at all the shit he has to take in that room.

I once created a cartoon superhero named Assman but then, being a girl, wasn't sure where to go from there.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

INside the room is Mrs. Triangle with Mr. Square and Mr. Triangle can't figure out how they got in there first of all and what Mrs. Triangle sees in Mr. Square.

After all. . . he's a FREAKING SQUARE!

Michelle Wells Grant said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh dear, my sides ache! Me thinks Pyramid Man should call up buddy, Pyramid Drywall Man, grab a beer or few, and talk him into knocking out a pyramid shaped doorway.

Patois said...

In his next adventure, he wonders how to board a plane to go to Egypt to search for his roots.

chelle said...

hehehe this is awesome! You should market a bathroom easel! You would be rich! Rich I tell you rich!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

What a grand idea. An easel in the bathroom. Can I steal that? Where was that idea when I was potty training three boys?

Pyramid Man's Next Scenario? How about having him teach everyone how to clean the bathroom? Boring, I know.

Not very creative at the moment.

ds said...

Love this!! Will definitely be back to check on the Adventures of Pyramid Man.

Stephanie said...

Ooooh, mayhaps a picture of pyramid man on the can, drawing a picture of rectangle man puzzling out a triangle door. And snickering. Would he pool boxers or briefs at his ankles is the REAL question.