I'm clearly not cut out for the military. I'm legally blind, poor in attitude, and slumpy in posture. The world is a safer place with me firmly installed behind a podium and a latte.
Even though I have no desire to be broken down so that I can be built back up again in camouflagier form,
I do harbor a secret desire to attend boot camp.
My camp, of course, features Sergeant Steve Madden and Drill Master Kenneth Cole as the officers in charge of tongue and sole lashings.
Private Harley Davidson, reporting for duty.