"I Can't Even Look at These Photos Without Needing to Roll My Body in Pancake Batter and Flip Myself into the Non-Existent Arms of the Badly-Combed-Over, Green-Suited Fisher-Price Man Who Worked Changing the Stoplight From Red to Green in the Toy Village of My Youth"

To summarize that title: for me, much of the zest of life is tied up in food and toys. If Buzz Lightyear could hobble up to me, holding a cob of corn dripping with butter, I'd take him to infinity--and beyond. If a Chatty Cathy doll could toss me a quesadilla, frisbee style, I'd pee myself. Or if a Lego dinosaur could stomp up and present me with a bowl of potato chips he'd crisped with his own breath, I'd call him Son and send him to camp.

You might, then, gather that I am a huge fan of Groom's final portfolio project in his digital photography class this semester. Having to choose a "theme" around which to shoot ten photos...and not wanting to go cliched or cheesy...Groomy decided to make photos of "What They're Up to When We're Not Looking."

The scope of that theme could have reached vast and wide, even into Mel Gibson's underwear, but, wisely, His Groomitude remained tightly-focused and turned out the following ten Playmobil/food-based photos:


The Great Coffee Siphoning Caper

Strawberry Catapult

Cheerio Diver Surfacing

Scaling the Everest That Is Called, in My Language, "Banana Bread"

Give Me Pineapple, or Give Me Honeydew

Cracker Cabinet (I'm not showing the companion photo entitled "Honkey Ho-Ho's")

When You're a Skeleton, Och, But The Cheese Goes Right Through You


Robert Falcon Scott's Polar Expedition Could Have Benefited From Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Especially Right About the Time They Were All Penning Their Farewell Notes to Their Wives and Gnawing on Their Own Pinky Finger Bones

Underage, Under the Influence, and on the Counter

Par-TAAAAAAY!

These photos encapsulate what I've always felt about my husband: it's amazing that someone can see so clearly into my brain and my soul--places where beach balls are made of cream puffs; skateboards glide on crescent rolls; plastic horses deliver curry; and S & M Barbies work with licorice whips.

And, of course, Groom himself is both my plaything and a real dish.